Whatever Controls Your Attention Controls You

To control your actions you just need to control your thoughts. Sounds simple huh. Your thoughts become actions, repeated actions become habits, and habits make up your character. So why in the world is it so difficult to do this? It seems so simple yet most of us struggle to do it consistently. The main reason is because whether we realize it or not we’ve already used this process to create our current character and our current character takes time to change just like it took time to create. It especially takes time to change feelings and desires.

The simpleness of this concept frustrated me because I could not understand why I could not do something so simple. I was really being hard on myself because I was making progress, just not as fast as I wanted to. Honestly I would not have been ready for an overnight change had I received it anyway. Sure I would have enjoyed it for a time but I would not have learned how to maintain it. So mine was a gradual change of character. Not that I was a bad person but years of bad habits caused made progress slow. Yet it was progress. On the graph of life, even if you have set-backs, as long as the line is going in an upward direction, then you are progressing. We are all here to progress. Just persevere and you will succeed.

Controlling thoughts is really a two step process. First you must remember that you can’t just simply avoid or stop any bad thoughts. This is impossible and will only deepen your addiction. Everyone has thoughts enter their heads all day every day and that doesn’t make them bad. Its what you choose to do with thoughts and temptation that counts. So the first step is simply to acknowledge you feel tempted and that its ok to feel tempted. Of course don’t go seek out temptation, that is completely putting down your defenses.

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Second you must replace the tempting thoughts with good healthy ones. So for example, you have a temptation to look at pornography in your mind, you acknowledge that its a temptation and that you are not bad for feeling sexual urges. Then you decide to replace the temptation with another meaning. “I choose to control these urges because I’m a happier and more confident person. I enjoy my life more and other people can also see I’m more confident.” This is just an example so choose an alternate meaning that is powerful for you. Try not to use negative words in your positive statements, i.e. “I can’t” or “I shouldn’t”.

You have to do both steps or this won’t work. Also, don’t feel guilty if a bad thought crosses your mind and you handle it like you’re suppose to. It’s ok to have thoughts cross your mind, just don’t dwell on them or create them. I used to try to be perfect in my thought control and of course this didn’t last long. I would have a bad thought cross my mind and feel guilty even when I stopped thinking about it immediately. This unnecessary guilt would lead me to give up and my thoughts and eventually actions would spiral out of control. So don’t feel guilty if you handled a bad thought correctly, and that means just get rid of it as soon as it appears.

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The second part of the thought control process is crucial. You absolutely must get your mind off the bad thought then immediately replace it with something good. This is so important because the bad thought will just return to the blank space left unfilled. Don’t dwell on porn addiction .

The mind likes to be working and engaged in interesting thoughts. A bored mind cannot endure itself and will seek pleasure as a substitute for what you are not providing it. So it is important to always be learning, working, and creating a life in which you will easily have so much to think about that you have no time to dwell on destructive thoughts. Don’t take this to the extreme and burn yourself out quickly by trying to fill every second of the day with something. Remember not to run faster than you are able in this process otherwise you will not be able to endure long enough to change.

Also, try not to focus on your weaknesses too much. It seems that when we conduct a direct and targeted campaign on our bad habits we give them much attention and thought. Giving them too much thought can give them a power they do not possess. It’s all about balance. Addiction is partly a state of mind in which we feel we cannot escape our vice and it is constantly on our minds. Once you train your brain to focus on positive aspects of life you’ve been neglecting then life will become sweeter. Don’t let addiction dominate your thoughts and ultimately dominate your life. Yes, you may be struggling, but you can climb out of this pit while beginning with the pit in your mind. 🙂

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About Dreams

Dreams can have a powerful effect on our emotional state. There is the temptation to feel guilty when you have a dream that contains sexual content. Do not feel guilty and do not dwell on thoughts of these particular dreams. Dreams can sometimes have meaning but most of the time they are simply a random collection of our experiences meshed together to form stories we often don’t understand. We dream about the stresses in our life, whether past or present. The main point I want to make here is don’t feel guilty about or dwell on lustful dreams. They are out of your control so far as you are presently concerned. As you clean up your life you will perhaps have less of them but they are not necessarily a judge of your progress. When you wake up after one of these dreams just use the above stated thought control process and move on with your day with a great attitude.

11 thoughts on “Whatever Controls Your Attention Controls You”

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  5. I have been struggling for far too long with this type of addiction which has also robbed me and my family of quality time together. My wife has had a major problem with chronic bipolar depression which has really left me quite alone a lot. I have also had too much time with my thoughts being left alone.

  6. I really believe that one needs to apply yourself and immerse yourself in matters that take your mind off the bad apple syndrome of being focussed on this rotten stuff. I have made a quality decision to stop the rot in my life as I enjoy my family more than the secrecy of internet porn and private masturbation I am so involved with. I believe that what has been posted on this website is truly valuable and vital to those wanting to make a concerted effort to be rid of this horrible stuff.

  7. Hello Sir,

    To whomsoever it may concern, i am under some kind of a trouble and i confirmed that when i began to perform poorer than my previous performances, because i have started to spend more time on surfing internet porn sites and download porn videos to satisfy my sexual desires.
    Kindly please throw some more light to help me built a better successful life, i am student.
    Please help!!!!!

    Regards,
    Amitesh

  8. I really have to agree with alot on this site. Life can put you in the most awkward of circumstances and the the brain reacts more to the primal urge rather then common sense. The internet is a really great concept. but when it all comes down to it the web is made mostly of porn. These late night infomercials for “free adult phone conversations” do not help either. society is pretty much based on the ‘sex sells’ idealogy and its very hard to ignore what is being waved in front of your face. Over all i wish i never been able to access porn, it wastes alot of time and i feel bad because of the time iv missed sleeping next to my spouse to be. Naked is truly natural and by covering up the body we (society) are creating temptation. and temptation leads to desire, curiosity, lust, and pornography. if we were all naked porn wouldnt have the same effect it has now. The porn industry would be dwindled down because lack of interest and curiostiy.

  9. Ive been an addict for 20 yrs. Im only 33 yrs old. Im married with a new child and my wife is beautiful and has no idea she is being betrayed every time. I pray this doesnt break up my beautiful family. I dont know how to stop. I will try these suggestions. Im too embarassed to go to a meeting or something like that. I just hope I can survive this personal struggle. God Bless all who are in this innitiative.

  10. I would like to express my deep gratitude for such invaluable information. I have long ago admitted my addiction and the need to get out; But I have been unsuccessful in quitting. I read from a site what the dangers of porn are and unsurprisingly the information was the same as what i have been taught by my religion. Since I don’t have a friend to confide in, maybe I should also admit that I just watched porn right before coming to this site. It started last night – with another Movie on tv. and I had known in the morning that I would watch it again today. It is like arguing with yourself – “Please don’t do it, can you hold yourself just today, please. I don’t wanna feel worthless like last time again.” That’s how it always starts, and then I will try convincing myself until it is too late.
    I do know the dangers and outcome of porn, but I guess i didn’t have insight in the Thought Control Process. I knew I had to control my thoughts, but perhaps it was a matter of How to do it. So from now on I will try my best in thinking positively and I would like to come again, telling about my progress. Please advise if you see the need.

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