Create Your Own Rehab

What is the purpose of rehabilitation centers? It is to give the addicted person a fair chance to recover. I say fair because there does come a point for many where unless you make some drastic changes in your life and environment you’ll continue to repeat the same cycle of addiction indefinitely. This certainly applies to pornography addiction. The alcoholic cannot stay sober if he continues to go to the bar or still has alcohol in the refrigerator. The person addicted to porn cannot kick the bad habit so long as they have easy access to the porn.

Indeed there does come a time for the porn addict to make some tough choices. A time to decide what is most important and take the necessary steps without delay. To some these choices may seem extreme but to you they will be honorable and necessary. It will seem as if you’re willing to do what most people are not.

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What am I talking about? Well, if you are addicted to porn right now and you have unrestricted(unfiltered and unmonitored) access to the Internet right now then that needs to change. The software I would recommend is called Covenant Eyes. If restricting access still isn’t enough then you need to get rid of the Internet all together. If your work requires you to use the Internet for you and that has been a big weak point for you then it may be time to consider a new occupation. Trust me, I’m well aware of the difficulty of making such decisions. I myself have had to change careers and restrict access to the internet while suffering financially. I did have to wait until I was in a financial position to do so.

Although changing the external environment was never enough to free myself from porn addiction it was necessary. I was never going to rehabilitate so long as I had easy access to my drug of choice. What would happen is I would change my thoughts and control my passions for a period of time but not change my external environment. I would have success for a week or two but then the sexual urges would return in full force as they always do for the body was designed in such a manner. At that point I was still not strong enough to be in an environment with too much temptation. I could see that the missing ingredient was a safer external environment and then I would be able to have more success. So I restricted internet access at home and changed occupations.

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I cannot stress enough that changing the external environment will never be enough only part of the equation. You must change internallyas well to have true success. So take a look at your life and be honest with yourself about what needs to change for you to have real success. It will probably take some sacrifices but your reward will be a very fulfilling life in which you are in control. While comtemplating what changes you may need to make in your life it would help to pray and ask God what He thinks. Perhaps He could cause thoughts to come to your mind that you did not previously consider.

25 thoughts on “Create Your Own Rehab”

  1. I can’t belive this site exists – this addiction feels worse than Drugs or Alcohol because it’s not one you can talk openly with others about. I knew something was wrong and I’m seeing a counsellor for other things and want to talk to her about this but don’t feel like I can. I’m a woman and this has affected me since I was a teen and even ruined my first relationship because I was hooked on Sex – sexual image – masturbation. I actually feel validated now cause this site makes me realise it is a real addiction that has weakened the core of who I really am. I feel maybe I will get past this now.

  2. its a crazy thing cos,you dont have control of your self anymore,it’s affected me for five years now.

  3. I too am a woman, and dealing with this. I have been stuggling with this since about 1999 or so. I can go a month or so without the porn or masturbation, but then I have a flare up. I find these to come more frequently, since the Holidays. I don’t know if it is due to depression or what. I need help, but am afraid to tell my husband, because, I don’t think that he would understand. He is a God-fearing man, and is devoted to the Lord, but I don’t think he would understand if I was to tell him something like this. I think he would just tell me to stop, and not help me get to the root of the problem. I don’t even know what that root could b though. I think back on my childhood…not too much there though. I had an older male cousin that would sexually abuse me to the point I was numb about the situation. My brother fondled me to my knowledge…when I was little. I don’t know if some of that is the root, or not. When I think about it, it doesn’t make me upset or bring back any harsh feelings. But anyways, I need to get to the root of the problem, or as how it even grew this far. I have masturbated while looking at pornography the last 2 days, and I gotta stop. I don’t want to ruin my life, or die and go to hell because of this. I know that I need a deeper relationship with Christ, and that it’s gonna take a lot to do this on my own. If you all have any suggestions for someone going through this alone, please let me know…I would love to hear from you. Thanks so much and I hope we all find the help that we need to overcome this demon.

  4. I too am in amazement. I don’t even know what made me go to this site today but I think that it had to be nothing but an answer from God. I am a 26 year old man and have wondered so long why I couldn’t socialize with women in a normal way. It’s kind of hard to explain, but I would always feel awkward or nervous around women with the exception of dealing on a professional level at work. The only way I would feel comfortable is on the weekend getting drunk only to find out the next morning of what an ass I made out of my self. This is like the most important thing in my life and it is an addiction. I have been addicted ever since my freshman year in college. Through high school my family never owned a computer but when I got access to the internet in college that’s when it started. I can’t say that it really hindered me that much I was always an outgoing person I had plenty of friends not to be arrogant but I’m an attractive guy. However as i got older I noticed I was developing fetishes and I would fantasize about them every day.I started masturbating on a regular basis even when I was in a relationship. I started feeling detached from reality and It started hindering me to properly interact with women on a personal level. I became innerly self conscious of my looks. And started to feeling a sense of insecurities about my self. I so much want to shake this and finally take control of my life. I am ashamed at this discovery but overjoyed at the same time that this is my problem! I know that this is not what God wants me doing with my life. I have all the symptoms of a porn addict. I am however relieved to know that i’m not alone in this terrible addiction. I would feel obliged to speak with anyone going through the same thing as I and take any suggestions from anyone who has them. Thanks.

    1. Hey everyone, I think this is just, in plain site, a message from God. I’ve been a Christian for about 10 years now and I see no reason to have pornography in my life. Somehow it seems to dig it’s slimy fingers into my life. I was doing alright for a good two months, and then it started up again.

  5. my wife just left me. I wasn’t ambitious enough. she wanted more money. enough so we could go on multiple vacations each year. even some on a whim. yes she is going through mid life crissis and wants a different life for herself. and yes she loves me like a brother. and yes she suffers from mental Illness. and our relationship became codependant with me as the caretaker.

    So why tell the story here? because I would work from 5:30am to 1pm and tease myself for hours watching. I wanted someone to use me, and degrade me. maybe I knew she didn’t love me all along. I don’t know. so I’d do it to
    myself. look at images of someone teasing and contolling another and wishing it was me.
    now she’s gone and all I have left is myself and I’m at a crossroad.
    i’m so afraid of what I might do once the divorce is final and I have myown place. I started seeing a therapist and told her that sex is connected. I don’t want to hide from the world and still want someone to punish me. its not hard to see how everything is connected. but I want to be healthy and one day find someone who really does love me.perhaps I don’t love myself as much as I thought I did.
    I am destine to become attracted to another woman who will use me and make me come back for more if I don’t get healthy first.
    I feel so vonerable that if someone came into my life now and wanted too use and control me she could and I’d be lost forever.
    someone please talk to me. I need help.

  6. My Partner is addicted to porn and He uses it instead of being involved in a real sex life with me. I am being ignored and brushed to the side in favour of strangers on the internet. It makes me feel unattractive, undesirable and inadequate. i don’t know what to do. I talked to him about it but he doesn’t think it’s a problem. He says its the most natural thing for a man to do. I don’t know how long I can deal with it. He feels fulfilled and I feel ignored.

  7. Seems that all of us that commented use addiction in some form or another to either cover up a circumstance that brings pain or pain itself. Unattractive, undesireable, and inadequate. We use addiction to put something in the place of what we actually need. Time and time again we think that maybe putting on make up or wearing sexual clothes will make us attractive. Attractiveness comes from within. You make yourself feel attractive and then other ppl will find you attractive. Somewhere in our lives we have put in our minds that gaining the approval of someone else is healthy in concerning our core values. Sure its ok to get approval from someone but not for our core values. We are worth much more that anyone can ever think about us. You want to stop the addiction? Embrace where you are hurting. Find what makes you feel terrible. Then start healing yourself. You have the power to make “You” better. Do things for you and no one else that make you feel pretty or handsome. Then when you are decked out….Compliment yourself. I find this more and more. It starts when we are in middle/highschool. Yeah you did it..I did it…We all did it. Talk about someone that has to many zits, talk about the fat kid, talk about the kid with braces. Shame on us all (me especially). We are alive and living. That is enough to show value in all of us. So…I say all this to say this. I am addicted to pornography and masterbation. I do it to comfort myself when I have been hurt. I do it because it is a stress relief. I do it for entertainment. I do it to feel accepted. Its like a drug. It helps me escape all of those things. I need to know that what I believe and what I know about myself is enough to comfort me. I am alone and have been alone for a very long time. The remedy for my addiction is to understand that I can comfort myself during these hard times (with Gods help). I can comfort myself in knowing that the outcome of my circumstances will be awesome. I can comfort myself in knowing that what ppl say about me is not true but what God says about me is eternal. I can comfort myself by crying.

  8. I too am addicted to internet porn and have lost two marriages, my home, my career and my self respect as a result. I am so low at the moment that although I arranged a referral to a psychiatrist via my doctor, I was unable to make the appointment due to it costing too much (a good excuse huh? = NOT!)

    It is true that addiction always escalates – in my case my fantasies were once of ‘faceless / nameless’ girls whose pictures I could access on the internet. However, I now find that I am tempted to act out my fantasies in real life – which I know would have devastating consequences all round. I know that I need help, because this has been going on now for years, and it hasn’t gone away. I just feel desperate and worthless as a result and I know this is the real reason that I destroy most good things in my life.

    Anyway, I am determined to beat my addiction, and to resume my life with my energies centered and focused on good things, and not on ideas and materials that make me feel worthless.

    I am going to look right through this site and find whatever help I can get.

    M

  9. For those that know God, and have taken refuge in Jesus, I want to encourage you to keep holding onto the fact that Jesus had died for our sins, ONCE FOR ALL. That we can find solace that all our past sins (masturbating), present sins and future sins (times we masturbate in the future) are all forgiven.

    This is a two edge sword, however. Being forgiven for all the times we masturbatue in the future does not mean we can keep on masturbating. What it means to take Jesus’ salvation is that we turn 180 degrees around from our ways.

    I have an addiction to masturbating. I have started going out with this guy and I want to stop this addiction because I want to remain pure for him. Especially if it may lead to marriage.

    Today I want to STOP MASTURBATING!
    I know the road is hard. And there will be stumbling blocks. And I know there are times when I think it’s too hard. There will be times in the near future where I break my promise. But I want to fully stop.
    It’s a gradual thing for me. I want to see if I can go two weeks without.
    After two weeks I will reward myself. (Masturbating is NOT a reward)
    That doesn’t mean after two weeks do it once. It means after two weeks treat myself to a nice dinner at a nice restaurant.
    After a month (you’ve already done two weeks) another reward. I want to go and have a picnic with my boyfriend. (My boyfriend is a God-centred person so he won’t try to make moves on me that would tip me over)

    After two months…
    After four months…
    After 6 months…
    and keep on going.

    If I break the chain, and I know there will be times where I will, I know that I’ve already been forgiven. However, I wanna say sorry because I hurt the relationship with God. Kind of like hurting your relationship with your parents, your spouse, or your dearest friend. You know they’ll forgive you, but you just want to show them that you really mean it.

    That’s why I’m going to do something that I don’t like doing just to say sorry. Like clean the house, help volunteer at a nursing home over the weekend, donate my favourite top to a charity clothes bin. Because giving money to charity doesn’t make me feel as bad or as sorry.

    During the time I won’t do nothing I will be focussing on:
    1. Keep my eyes focussed on God. Having a God-centred life means that God comes first over everything. That means, for me, God > porn. (God is greater than Porn).
    What that means is that my priorities are with God and not with my own self pleasure.
    There was a quote that said, whatever temptation you will face is not too much for you to bear because God will always provide a way out.
    And that way out is the door or the off button or the X on the web browser.

    2. Keep myself busy. Idle hands are the devils work. This is especially true for me. I find myself most vulnerable when I’m doing nothing. That’s why I’ve bought myself a diary with all the hours of the day written up so I can account for all the hours. For the married people, who may not want their spouse to find out, place an M or some code that you would know. My friend puts down “Going to McDonalds”. Always plan ahead for the next 2 days. This will keep you focussed on your life and not your addicted life.

    That is my plan. And I will keep myself accountable.
    Hope it will help you too.

  10. For a person who knows that God exist, and knows what we do, I feel ashamed of myself. I keep on masturbating, since high school. It is like a drug, keeping us at it, even though I want to stop.

    I tried many times to stop, but still failed. I never confessed this to anyone so publicly. I only have my parents, and it will break my mother’s heart sorely, if she knew what I had done.

    Starting from this second, I’ll vow, in front of all of you, and all of the future readers, that I wil stop masturbating. If you haven’t, don’t start. It has affected me mentally, and physically. Remember, there will always people to help you. And remember your Creator. Remember that HE created you from the best of being. It is a very hard road, but keep to it. And you’ll succeed.

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  12. I have had a porn addiction for four years. When I fell in love three years ago, I stopped viewing pornography for about three months. During my relationship with her I became a christian. Before I had met her I was extremely messed up. I met a girl that was my “guardian angel” and I could only stay sober for three months. My addiction pushed me to pressure my innocent girlfriend into sex. She dumped me because of my addiction. Now I cannot keep a relationship. I lost the love of my life to the obsession.

  13. I’ve had a problem with this for years…a decade, nearly, on and off. At first I didn’t know what it was, but eventually I realized. It’s so comforting to read that i’m not alone, as a woman with this problem.

  14. I never would have imagined that something like this could take control of my life. Before I got saved, masturbation was a way of coping with feelings of loneliness and abandonment. I thought it was something I could beat on my own, but every time those feelings surface in my life, I run to this false “comforter”. There is only One who can comfort, so why do I keep turning to masturbation? I have never been more ashamed and embarrassed about anything in my life. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this. I just want to be in control of my self. I want to deal with the root issues that lead to it, and I want to overcome!

  15. Hello,
    I am currently fighting my addiction to masturbation.
    I started masturbating in high-school and I thought the whole time that it was normal for boys. I watched every type of pornography I could get my hands on. If there wasn’t any pornography available I would watch TV, fantasize and masturbate. I would often miss classes at school because I was too busy watching porn. Masturbation had become my main hobby. It was not a hobby but an OBSESSION. I thought “There’s nothing wrong with that. Everybody does it”. I couldn’t realize that I was an ADDICT. Later I bought a computer and discovered porn on the internet. I could watch all the porn I wanted. Soon normal porn wasn’t good enough anymore. I started watching lesbians, transvestites and all different kinds of perversions. My addiction was getting stronger and stronger. It affected my perception of the world. I wasn’t a normal person anymore. It also affected me physically. Porn had influence on everything in my life. Sometimes I would watch porn for days, not being able to do anything else. I felt that it was destroying my life but I simply couldn’t stop. Everywhere I went I was thinking about only thing – sex. I saw sex everywhere. I fantasized about my colleagues, my neighbors, even about complete strangers on the street. I couldn’t imagine my life without masturbation and pornography.
    Then I found God. Something made me re-evaluate the things in life. I believe that God saved me. Through the Christian faith I found the strength to break the chains of pornography. Suddenly I felt that I could resist the urges. I stopped watching porn of any kind.
    Now,after many years of addiction I finally feel free.
    But the battle isn’t over. Even though I don’t watch porn and try hard not to think about sex I still feel a strong desire to masturbate. But I want to get rid of that nasty habit once and for all.
    It’s been a month since I masturbated for the last time. Sometimes I feel pressure and discomfort but I know this is the only way to normal life.
    I hope and pray that I’ll overcome the addiction.

    I find websites like this very helpful. I wish all of you good luck and let God be with you.

  16. Hi,

    I’ve been addicted to porn for more than 20 years. There is no doubt that it has greatly changed me as a person. Personally, I believe that addictions are meeting a specific need in your life, it’s just doing so in a totally negative way. I think for me it serves to allow me to numb out and escape from life. I have become a recluse and a mere shadow of the passionate person before the addiction began.

    I’m also addicted to alcohol and have found that it certainly fuels my porn addiction bcz my defenses are down when I’m drunk and will spend even more time on the computer surfing.

    I quit drinking for 5 years and have recently quit again. It had to be done if I value the prospect of a life lived with self respect and true meaningful relationships. At the moment I keep my girlfriend at arm’s length by using porn. She can feel it, and although I have been honest with her about my addiction, she doesn’t know the full extent. I can spend 6 hours at a time surfing when I”m really looking to escape.

    Anyway, at one point I used the website and program ‘RecoveryNation.com’ and I just wanted to share that here so that those that feel they need a program that can be done on your own or with the aid of a coach, will have another resource.

    I think it’s important to ask yourself how your addiction is serving you. I guess that’s the same question as ‘What is the root cause.’ I do believe that constant thought control is necessary and that you must be mindful of your thoughts during all waking hours. So, if you come up with a possible ‘root cause’ then you can find a positive way to fill that void in yourself and start there. Fill your schedule with positive, passionate activities, and the addiction won’t be on your mind. It’s making better decisions moment to moment that will aid you.

    Best of luck to all of you making the tough decisions such as removing your private internet access, but just ask yourself one question that may help you…”What’s it gonna cost you if you don’t make these changes?”

    I believe that this addiction is in your life to help you to see something extremely important, and to help you move to that next level in your own personal awareness. What is your addiction trying to tell you?

    I’m reading ‘A New Earth’ by Eckhart Tollle. For me it’s pretty damn deep, but wow, what a ride:)

  17. adrian dorton chadwick

    hello all. i hope yr evenings have been free of struggle. me? i hope and pray too. and i’ve found great strength and consistency in being able to control/dissuade/overcome my urges by creating my own ritual. it’s going to be different for all of us, of course. but i have made a personal a.m. ceremony. i start my day with silence, tea, vows, and i spend a moment being grateful to someone in my life. i tell them later that day, too. i feels beautifully constructive. and at day 21. (the magic addiction breaking point grain of salt, taken!) when i get there, i will commemorate and celebrate with milestone tattoo markers. i’ve tried to hit day 21 for a while now. like a 6 months while. soon. for those who don’t accept tattoos as a lifestyle choice i’m sure you can invent yr own elements of ritual. i see so many shades of grey in all of our testimonials. for me, masturbation in and of itself is okay. excess? isolation? asocial behaviour? lack of self respect!!? that is the problem that results for me. its the link between the pornography and the masturbation. if i masturbate on my own i fantasize almost exclusively about my girlfriend. in my life philosophy, that is healthy. if i look at porn (on the computer) i hardly think at all: nothing situational, its a giddy vague arousal–this odd gut feeling of crossing a taboo. and later another. and with blind link, perverse images i am not sexually stimulated by, but am compelled to view. and largely, they represent injustice, exploitative action and potential physchological scarring for the practioners of porn as well as the consumers. its a dangerous industry. i thank you all for you candor, i hope you can appreciate mine. and i hope you find strength and renewed self worth.
    best

  18. Without Shame, but With Truth

    Thank you for this site! I have never spoken–until this week–about my addiction to masturbation. I am 53. I have been masturbating since I was 11 and the addictive aspects have been unknown to me for most of those years. I only thought it was a “challenge” for me to stop masturbating. Viewing porn has intensified the steepness of my descent into the addiction.

    I have noticed, of late, how my masturbation behavior contributes to my emotional and interpersonal distance from my wife. In more obvious ways, it has interfered with a healthy and consistent sex life for many years. I don’t know how much masturbation has contributed to those times when I am irritable and short-tempered, but I am betting that it has.

    First in therapy, and now in my own way, I have begun to confront this head on. Speaking the truth–no matter how difficult–holds the key to unlock the door that imprisons me in this addiction. To that end, after installing porn filtering software on my computer, I told my wife everything about my masturbation and porn-viewing behavior. She is confused and somewhat distant. I don’t blame her.

    I recite an affirmation, taped to my mirror, at least 5 times every day: “I deserve to be free of all limiting obsessions (m, p, r’s, a, f, t, c), so that I may enjoy a truly rich and rewarding relationship with (my wife’s name) and love myself more as well.” The initials in parentheses stand for: “masturbation”, “porn”, “relationships”, “alcohol”, “food”, “television”, and “computer”. If I am unable to abstain from masturbation and do not engage in healthier things instead, I will attend meetings of the Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous meetings in my area to support me further. I will also continue to address this in therapy.

    I also do not blame myself. I am not a shameful, or evil person. To believe that I am does not help me. I am loved. I am lovable. I am a good person. So are we all. Stepping towards health and moving away from addiction to masturbation is just plain good for me/us. I do not become a better person because of this positive move. I DO expect to be more present, more loving, less irritable, and more engaged because of this positive move.

    Blessings to me and blessings to us all.

  19. Im 17 and Ive suffered from this addiction for 3 years, i was always told it was a cool thing to do at school, i wanted to fit in, so i started viewing porn. Im too afraid to tell my girlfriend, the shame might imply her to dump me, leaving me in a worse position, however porn hasnt effected my sex life, i just want the constant urges to view porn when shes not around to stop, i feel dishonest and depressed all the time, i really need help.

  20. I’m struggling with an addiction, too. My biggest problem is that I can’t install Covenant Eyes or another filter because I can’t come out with it that I’m into porn. I have an image with my family and friends of being the good and pure one. The only reason I’m in this addiction is because of Google Image Search. I used to see how long it would take for random words to end up with a naked person. From there it only got worse. I’ve been carrying on this secretly for nearly five years now and I’m more than sick of it. Many times I have tried to quit, but every time I ended up having a relapse. All it takes is one little submission and I’m back in the pit. I really wish I could get a filter or an accountability program, but if I install these on my computer, it will cause questioning from my family and it’ll have to come out. I simply can’t come out because it will ruin my Christian witness. It’s a problem I have to deal with by myself (with God of course). Something I have been trying recently is whenever I start to think of anything close to porn I say to myself “Give it to God.” and I hand the situation to God. As long as I do that, I have never fallen after. But sometimes I’ll avoid giving it to God and that’s when I fall. I must become better at this.

    Does anybody know of a free and confidential service I can sign up for that will give me an accountability partner that’s completely web-based and honor-system based?

  21. Jacob you could try reading every man’s battle or every young man’s battle. It helped me a lot and I have faith in Jesus that He would heal us all someday.You might want to try k9 Bluecoat filter, it’s free compared to covenant eyes. I think we should find sommeone really accountable and at least we could be honest as Christians.

  22. I’ve been reading the posts and I can identify with almost everyone. I discovered this garbage when I was about 15. My brother and I would go to our grandma’s house during the summers and she had cable. Well, I was viewing tv one night when I came across a channel that was scribbled, but I could hear the sounds crystal clear. That piqued my interest. My uncle also lived with her and one day when I was looking for something and I came across a bag of unmarked videos, I became curious. I wish I would’ve left it alone. I put the video in and it was something x-rated. I was blown away. That marked the genesis of my struggle. I too am determined to beat this because I have too much at stake, one being my soul. We will beat this and come out stronger because GOD can change anyone. I’ll be praying for everyone, and please pray for me.

  23. 18. I would say it’s been an addiction for about a year now. for while I felt like I had it completely under control, once every couple weeks just when it’s been awhile between my girlfriend and me. I don’t know about god, i’m strongly agnostic, but I do know this stuff makes me feel miserable. I think everybody has to go through it at one point or another–it’s only human. It’s the choice to indulge or ignore that sets us apart. I chose to ignore for awhile but eventually curiosity got the better of me. Now the flares happen more and more often and I find myself beginning to think differently. I know I’m not in that deep yet, but i need to stop now.
    You guys have encouraged me. Thank you.

  24. My partner is a porn addict , he said he will stop by not thinking or talking about it. However, this is the third time I caught him for the last 9 years… Now he confessed to me that he never wanted to stop and he didn’t feel bad because he thought I just wanted to control him. He said he will stop but I can’t trust him.. He will not go to therapy … He goes to four conferences to Vegas a year and he will go because is part of his job I told him is best for him not too go it will be too tempting for him… Is this too much to ask? I don’t think I can handle this anymore… If there is not trust , why stay right?

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