Negative Association

How to apply this to porn addiction. If you’ve been addicted to pornography or masturbation then you have been living in a fantasy world within your own mind. The addiction or prison you’ve found difficult to escape has been largely within the walls of your mind. Your mind and body try to run as effeciently as possible. Many times this means automating processes to save energy. Because you have used pornography and masturbation to feel temporary pleasure you have been associating fantasy-like thoughts with natural sexual urges of the body until the appetite of the body grows out of control. So every time your body feels a sexual urge it immediately and almost automatically associates these urges with thoughts and images of the fantasy world you have created in your mind. Of course you can get this back under control, it just takes work and time.

You need to change the way you see temptations to look at filth or masturbate. You need to start associating these actions with the real consequences and misery they bring. The moment you are tempted you must cling to reality and not let yourself be swept away into the unrealistic fantasies that have brought you into addiction. The reality is you only feel pleasure in the moment then soon after feel very low and miserable. Your imagination has very powerful effects that can be both good and bad. Use your imagination to create a negative image of the true results of looking at pornography or masturbating. Then when the temptation comes have this image ready to go to associate with the temptation. The more you do this the more your mind will remember these negative images and the power of the temptation will be decreased. Use whatever negative associations work for you. Everyone is different. Also, be patient, it will take more than a few times of doing this before it becomes habit. Just keep doing it.

Positive Association

You’ll need more than negative associations to break free of addiction. You have to learn to love your new life more than your old one. This is going to take some persistent positive associations. Here is a good example from workout guru, Pete Sisco, speaking of positive association when working out:

“Finally, take another 10 minutes at a slow pace on the treadmill to gradually cool your body down. Use this time to feel the warm afterglow and sense of well-being that intense exercise provides. Those endorphins are magic! Take a moment to associate that positive, relaxed yet invigorated feeling with going to the gym and doing your workout. For many of us this can shift our psychological focus from dreading a workout and doing it reluctantly to positively looking forward to it and to the sense of well-being it delivers.”

This couldn’t be more true. I’ve put this to the test myself and love going to the gym. So how do we apply this to addiction? Well, when I was struggling, I was using this technique and didn’t even know it. Here’s how. Every time I would have success, a day or two without slipping up, I would sort of meditate and ponder how great it felt to be free and have success. In my mind I would purposely associate these great feelings with abstaining from pornography or masturbation. This only increased my desire to have success. This increased desire helped me to work harder, and get up more quickly if I slipped up. I would think to myself, “I love the way I feel when I abstain from weakness, I don’t want to stay down, I will get up and try again and feel those feelings again.” You see, your mind and body want to do what feels good. You have to decide what feels good. You do this by changing the way you see things.

Go ahead and experiment with this great technique. Don’t expect perfection. Just expect a progressive change of desires. It takes time for desires and feelings to change. This is the work required to do so.

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Over time I have learned that the body is a wonderful creation and brings much joy and happiness when used properly. Misusing it can bring misery. When I was struggling with pornography and other addictions I really didn’t understand this. I just wanted to stop having feelings. I really thought the solution would be some type of drug that would just take sexual urges away. I did a lot of research in this area and learned a lot about the body. I even tried a few herbs to see if I could curb my sex drive. Well, there were noticeable effects but I also had the side effect of depression. I could see that interfering with the body’s reward system certainly had negative side effects.

Today I don’t try to avoid or get angry at the urges of the body. In fact, if I see a beautiful woman walking down the street and it makes me feel good I just say to myself, “That’s great, she is beautiful, my body must be working properly.” Then I quickly move on in my thoughts to something else. See, its ok to feel good and attracted to the opposite sex. You’re supposed to be. But unless it is your wife you need not dwell on these thoughts. By the way, the longer you abstain from pornography or masturbation, the more sensitive you will become to beauty. This is great, it means your body is returning back to normal.

Remember, getting mad because you are vulnerable to temptation or have a weakness is counterproductive. These negative feelings will fuel the fire of porn addiction. The quicker you accept and adapt to your weaknesses the better. Having to set boundaries and live life to avoid people or situations you know you would be weak around is nothing to be ashamed of. You’re doing what most people are not willing to do. Weakness, if you work to be better, will ultimately make you stronger in character than you were before. Take joy in the fact that you recognize your weaknesses and your body still works. See this as an opportunity to learn and grow and you will.

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First of all, you are dead and still have life ahead of you. Though you made a mistake your addiction is not in complete control of your future otherwise there would be no hope. But there is hope. This is not a “You can do it” speech, this is logic. Right now you are alive and still have the ability to choose.

So how are you going to respond to this slip-up, mistake, set-back or whatever you want to call it? Are you going to look at this as an opportunity to do better or are you going to choose to stay down and in feelings of defeat? It’s moments like these that determine or build your character. It’s not the mistakes but the decisions we make when make the mistakes that build character. You’ve fallen off the horse again, so are you going to get back on and try again or what? Oh, you’ve fallen off the horse hundreds or even thousands of time before. Are you saying you lack the ability to try again? That would be a lie and an excuse to not try again. This is the moment you determine your attitude. Decide to have a good attitude and roll with the punches as they say.

How can you do better? Well, get a pen and some paper and write down exactly where you went wrong in your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Now write how you can improve each one of these things. We certainly don’t want to repeat a faulty plan do we? Evaluating mistakes and creating new plans will also give you more motivation as it will feel like you are learning and making progress. Constant adjustment is needed to do better. There will always be a better plan and a way out. Perhaps you had the right plan but went against it and made a mistake. Does that make the plan wrong? No, you’ve already discovered what works for you and now you just need to choose to stick to it. Maybe you got lazy and tired of working so hard to resist thoughts or actions. Well, anything worth havinf does require work. So decide right now on what you really want and don’t look back. You have the power to change you life in this very moment if you will.

So you had a bad day. That means it’s time to pick yourself up again, readjust your thoughts and environment, and make a new plan or use an old one that already worked before. This does get easier with time as you have more consistent success. It’s when you have little, short-lived success that it seems the most difficult. Don’t give up when you are closer to success than the last time. Look at this as a learning experience and persevere. This is a war that you will not lose so long as you continue to fight.

Remember, there are so many great people in the history of this world who stood up against all odds and came out on top. If they would not have presevered through all the failures and sat-backs they would not have had such a great impact on themselves and the world. You were born to win, now let’s try again!

“Never, never, never, give up” – Winston Churchill

“Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill

Quick Ways to Regain Confidence

When you make a mistake and can be difficult to feel motivated to stand up again. There are a couple things you can do to regain hope and confidence quickly and get back on the road to recovery with a great attitude. Exercising is one way. For example, say you just looked at some pornography or masturbated, now you’re feeling low and ashamed and unsure of the future. Well, go for a run. Run a couple miles and prove to yourself you are still the one in control of your body. Your confidence will instantly be boosted after the run. I know I feel great after a run. It gives me just enough confidence to maintain a good attitude and persevere after a mistake. Of course, there are more exercises than running. I feel great doing weight training and playing sports as well. You can do any number of exercises as long as it is challenging enough as to require your mind to tell your body to keep going. This is the control you need to feel when you feel you’ve lost all control.

Another way to regain confidence quickly and keep going is to read something inspiring. Many people will say that self-help, motivational books are just common sense and worthless. However, we are human and quickly forget common sense principals, especially when we make mistakes. Most of the time these critics don’t apply what they call “common sense principles” anyway. So read an inspiring book like “Chicken Soup for the Soul” or something similar and your mind will be quickly reminded that you do have control and you absolutely can do this.

There are a number of things you can do to regain confidence and these are only two. You could call a friend or just get out of the house and go do something. Find what works for you and do it.

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Speaking from experience I will say that if you grew up in a family where you were exposed to addiction then you will be more vulnerable. Also, just as you are what you eat, I believe you are what you think, meaning your thinking can physically change the structure of your mind and play an active role in your health and well-being. This is different from blaming genetics which is basically saying that a person is born with a certain genetic makeup and is more prone to be addicted. That’s false and takes away responsibility so that particular person can be stuck in the “victim” state for the rest of their life thinking “that’s the way I’m made so I guess that’s all I can expect of myself”.

So when people watch the news and say things like, “some people are just born that way” or “people like that should be killed because they will just keep doing the same thing”, I get very upset and offended. People are not born that way, they become that way, and because they became that way they can change for the good as well. Of course if they are not willing to change then we cannot force them to change but I’m talking about those who are willing to change. Yes it will take patience but it can happen.

Just remember, just because you have made some mistakes doesn’t mean you are a bad person. You are not defined by porn addiction . Remember this quote; “Your future is spotless, so tie yourself to your potential and not your past.” As long as we are stuck dwelling on the past we cannot progress. Also, as long as we focus on other’s mistakes instead of their potential it makes it difficult for them to progress as well. The reason this is difficult to do is because of the guilt and the pain associated with the mistakes. It becomes difficult to beleive in yourself because you now have to have faith in a better you that you haven’t seen in awhile. So this is not going to be the easiest thing to do but it does get a little easier with every day.

Don’t listen to those who would bring you down with their words to make themselves feel better. Besides, psychology has proven that people are usually guilty of whatever they are accusing you of. You’re not in this to please others. You’re striving to do better for your own peace and happiness. Trust me, people will notice and try to discourage you in anyway they can, mostly negative words. It makes no sense most of the time why people are like this but it happens, so be ready for opposition as you climb out of darkness and become happier than everyone around you. You’ll appreciate the day more after such a long night in addiction

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