I have received comments and questions about different herbs and drugs that can help someone overcome addiction. There are some things out there, including herbs and prescribed medications, than can help reduce sex drive. However, these things will not cure you of your addiction. They may work for a time but it will be a false sense of success. I repeat, drugs and herbs will not bring long lasting success. Not only that but decreasing your sex drive is a bad idea since these urges of the body, when used correctly, are what can bring us so much joy and motivation in all of life’s activities. Trust me, I tried herbs and felt so melancholy and unmotivated.

Here is a quote I live by now: “NO QUICK FIX – When it comes to CHANGE, slow is fast and fast is slow. Ironically, the search for a quick answer delays the process you will eventually have to go through. If you try to go too fast and skip-over the necessary steps, you’ll slow down the whole process. But if you go slow and CHANGE one step at a time—that IS the fastest way.” — Anonymous

The best and fastest way to overcome a porn or sexual addiction is through using correct methods to change your brain and your heart. The best way to do that is through signing up for the program below. This does not mean that you will never be tempted again. So long as you are a human being you will have temptations but if you have your mind and body under control they will been seen more as a character building challenge rather than something to be feared.

Yes the world can be stressful and often the news makes it more stressful than it really is.  Yet many of us choose to use the news as a true reference to how how life really is. Why am I talking about this on a sexual addiction  site? Well, addicts in general are usually looking for escape from reality as they know it. How you reference reality is up to you. Life is not as bad as the people trying to make money make it seem. Actually life is great and full of opportunities to experience joy and happiness. Yes there are upsets but the positives far outweigh those upsets. Remember, the news doesn’t make money by focusing on the positive. They make money focusing on the shocking negative things that captivate us. How in the world does this apply to porn addiction?

Which would you rather watch, a high speed police chase ending in a crash or a mayor talking about improvements in elderly care. You see its effortless to be attracted to the most stimulating and exciting thing that catches our attention. It takes work to  appreciate the finer things in life. So will you let he idle part of you win or will you expend some effort and focus on the positive.

When it comes to dealing with the stresses of life in a healthy way you really must exercise you freedom to choose. Meaning you choose what to let into you life and what not to allow to effect you. When you realize this control you have and actually use it to only focus on and allow positive things in your life influence you it is quite empowering. This does not mean nothing negative will happen. It does mean you will notice a “positive” difference in your life. Believe or not you are in control. Sometime, like all of us, you choose not to maintain control but instead  let the  world control you. There comes a time when you have to wake up and come to the realization that you are, in fact, in control.

When you relearn this personal control you are in a position to properly deal with the stresses of life instead of turning to addictive activities. The proper way is to be in control of your thoughts and attitude and let the negative things roll off your back like water off a duck, so to speak. With a good attitude, which you decide to have, you don’t sweat the small stuff. However, don’t let anyone, especially the media, steal you good attitude, because they will do anything and say anything to make money without care for your  personal well being.

I speak from experience on this one. Some days will seem easy. You’ll be able to easily resist temptation in a relaxed manner. These are the days you’ve desired to have for a long time, so when they come you feel relieved and happy. But you must remember that this will only be true on some days. Most days, all your life, will require work. They will require you to exert your physical and mental energies to stay clean. We must not be lured into thinking that we no longer have to work as hard as we did before. As long as you are on this earth there will be temptations.

I do no say these things to discourage but to prepare. You will get stronger with time and it will be easier to resist temptation. All I’m trying to say here is that there will rarely be a day that will not require you to work at staying clean. It takes constant and every day effort to maintain a clean happy life. Happiness will always require more work than the misery associated with bad choices.

So every day you have to wake up and decide you are willing to exert your personal powers to make the right choices all day. This will become a great habit and prepare you for the really difficult days ahead. I say this because some days will seem like “The Perfect Storm” in which every thing seems combined against you. For example, you wake up with little sleep, you’re irritated at work, your boss won’t leave you alone, the bills are stacking up, you get into an accident on the way home, you argue with your wife,you’re having a hard time controlling your thoughts, and finally you see an inappropriately dressed girl on TV. Well, in those circumstances it just seems like you can’t take it anymore and you are so tempted to give into temptation and go on a pornography binge. Believe it or not, even in these circumstances, it is still your choice to do the work to resist temptation and maintain a positive attitude.

How much you are willing to work is directly tied to how much you believe in the process of change, in a better life, and your personal powers to change. If you stop working and give into temptation or fall short of your goal it is simply because you did not have enough faith and motivation. How do you get that faith and motivation? You choose to have it. Nobody can give it to you or make you have it. There are people and sources that can help you to have it but it is ultimately your choice to have enough faith and motivation to keep working no matter what the circumstances are.

Masturbation and pornography can make you feel powerless. It is true to these things bind you and restrict your freedom to choose. However,though it may feel like it, these things do not have complete control over you. You still have enough power to fight back and reclaim the lost ground in the internal battle you’ve been engaged in. It will not be instant but gradual and eventual. In fact, with perseverance success is inevitable. However, this requires work. Sometimes it will require you to exert all the energies of your soul to resist temptation, but you are not alone. Heavenly Father promises to bless you with the extra strength you need, after you have done all you can do. You will know when you’ve done all you can do because that is the time when his power kicks in and you will be victorious. He loves you enough to not do all the work for you but help you when you’ve done all you can do. Even if you are not religious, just do all you can do and you will be rewarded with success. You will feel an extra boost of power from a source beyond yourself.

Just keep working!

Ask yourself these questions with “10″ representing the most:

1. On a scale of 1 to 10 how much do I really want to overcome porn addiction or any kind of addiction?

2. On a scale of 1 to 10 how much do I believe in my power to overcome addiction?

3. On a scale of 1 to 10 how much am I willing to work every single day to overcome addiction?

Answer these questions honestly. If you are lacking in one or more of these areas then work to improve the numbers and you will have more success.

Success will not come by accident or luck. It will come because you worked for it and earned it.

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It may be tempting to delay changing. Some say, “I’ll start next week” or “I will wait and make a new years resolution”. These are dangerous ideas. I will admit I fooled myself with these same ideas at one time. I thought, “oh I’ll just do this for now until I’m ready to stop.” That only made it more difficult to stop. You see you lose power to start changing when you delay. Your resolve and motivation declines with every minute you delay the decision to change.

Applying this to porn addiction was even more dangerous. I would decide to look at filth until I was tired of looking at it and then would think, “Ok I’ll start being good now.” The problem with that idea is just because I was tired of looking at filth didn’t mean I was more powerful to change. Really I just became so desensitized and physically spent that my body needed a break. Then when I would start to be good and start to recover, I was over-sensitive to anything and everything because my body was still in rapid sexual recovery mode from the recent over-stimulations I put it through. So though I would have a few days of success it was short lived because I foolishly delayed stopping the last time. So the cycle would repeat itself over and over.

The longer you wait the more difficult it is for the body to unlearn the what you are teaching it to do. Unless its been months or years then you are probably going to return to the same level of viewing you ended at the last time. The problem is each time you repeat the cycle you progress, whether slowly or quickly, in the level of pornography you view. So its always getting worse in some, perhaps subtle, way. The further along you progress the more difficult it will be to change.

Also, the further along you are in addiciton the more you lose your edge on everything in life, whether it be business, school, work, hobbies,health, talents, or relationships. Most people don’t believe they’ll lose everything from this addiction until it actually happens. Avoid that unnecessary pain and start working today to overcome this destructive habit. Stand up and have courage to change. Don’t let your pride make you think you are the exception and that somehow you won’t experience the same consequences because you will.

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First of all, you are dead and still have life ahead of you. Though you made a mistake your addiction is not in complete control of your future otherwise there would be no hope. But there is hope. This is not a “You can do it” speech, this is logic. Right now you are alive and still have the ability to choose.

So how are you going to respond to this slip-up, mistake, set-back or whatever you want to call it? Are you going to look at this as an opportunity to do better or are you going to choose to stay down and in feelings of defeat? It’s moments like these that determine or build your character. It’s not the mistakes but the decisions we make when make the mistakes that build character. You’ve fallen off the horse again, so are you going to get back on and try again or what? Oh, you’ve fallen off the horse hundreds or even thousands of time before. Are you saying you lack the ability to try again? That would be a lie and an excuse to not try again. This is the moment you determine your attitude. Decide to have a good attitude and roll with the punches as they say.

How can you do better? Well, get a pen and some paper and write down exactly where you went wrong in your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Now write how you can improve each one of these things. We certainly don’t want to repeat a faulty plan do we? Evaluating mistakes and creating new plans will also give you more motivation as it will feel like you are learning and making progress. Constant adjustment is needed to do better. There will always be a better plan and a way out. Perhaps you had the right plan but went against it and made a mistake. Does that make the plan wrong? No, you’ve already discovered what works for you and now you just need to choose to stick to it. Maybe you got lazy and tired of working so hard to resist thoughts or actions. Well, anything worth havinf does require work. So decide right now on what you really want and don’t look back. You have the power to change you life in this very moment if you will.

So you had a bad day. That means it’s time to pick yourself up again, readjust your thoughts and environment, and make a new plan or use an old one that already worked before. This does get easier with time as you have more consistent success. It’s when you have little, short-lived success that it seems the most difficult. Don’t give up when you are closer to success than the last time. Look at this as a learning experience and persevere. This is a war that you will not lose so long as you continue to fight.

Remember, there are so many great people in the history of this world who stood up against all odds and came out on top. If they would not have presevered through all the failures and sat-backs they would not have had such a great impact on themselves and the world. You were born to win, now let’s try again!

“Never, never, never, give up” – Winston Churchill

“Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill

Quick Ways to Regain Confidence

When you make a mistake and can be difficult to feel motivated to stand up again. There are a couple things you can do to regain hope and confidence quickly and get back on the road to recovery with a great attitude. Exercising is one way. For example, say you just looked at some pornography or masturbated, now you’re feeling low and ashamed and unsure of the future. Well, go for a run. Run a couple miles and prove to yourself you are still the one in control of your body. Your confidence will instantly be boosted after the run. I know I feel great after a run. It gives me just enough confidence to maintain a good attitude and persevere after a mistake. Of course, there are more exercises than running. I feel great doing weight training and playing sports as well. You can do any number of exercises as long as it is challenging enough as to require your mind to tell your body to keep going. This is the control you need to feel when you feel you’ve lost all control.

Another way to regain confidence quickly and keep going is to read something inspiring. Many people will say that self-help, motivational books are just common sense and worthless. However, we are human and quickly forget common sense principals, especially when we make mistakes. Most of the time these critics don’t apply what they call “common sense principles” anyway. So read an inspiring book like “Chicken Soup for the Soul” or something similar and your mind will be quickly reminded that you do have control and you absolutely can do this.

There are a number of things you can do to regain confidence and these are only two. You could call a friend or just get out of the house and go do something. Find what works for you and do it.

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Speaking from experience I will say that if you grew up in a family where you were exposed to addiction then you will be more vulnerable. Also, just as you are what you eat, I believe you are what you think, meaning your thinking can physically change the structure of your mind and play an active role in your health and well-being. This is different from blaming genetics which is basically saying that a person is born with a certain genetic makeup and is more prone to be addicted. That’s false and takes away responsibility so that particular person can be stuck in the “victim” state for the rest of their life thinking “that’s the way I’m made so I guess that’s all I can expect of myself”.

So when people watch the news and say things like, “some people are just born that way” or “people like that should be killed because they will just keep doing the same thing”, I get very upset and offended. People are not born that way, they become that way, and because they became that way they can change for the good as well. Of course if they are not willing to change then we cannot force them to change but I’m talking about those who are willing to change. Yes it will take patience but it can happen.

Just remember, just because you have made some mistakes doesn’t mean you are a bad person. You are not defined by porn addiction . Remember this quote; “Your future is spotless, so tie yourself to your potential and not your past.” As long as we are stuck dwelling on the past we cannot progress. Also, as long as we focus on other’s mistakes instead of their potential it makes it difficult for them to progress as well. The reason this is difficult to do is because of the guilt and the pain associated with the mistakes. It becomes difficult to beleive in yourself because you now have to have faith in a better you that you haven’t seen in awhile. So this is not going to be the easiest thing to do but it does get a little easier with every day.

Don’t listen to those who would bring you down with their words to make themselves feel better. Besides, psychology has proven that people are usually guilty of whatever they are accusing you of. You’re not in this to please others. You’re striving to do better for your own peace and happiness. Trust me, people will notice and try to discourage you in anyway they can, mostly negative words. It makes no sense most of the time why people are like this but it happens, so be ready for opposition as you climb out of darkness and become happier than everyone around you. You’ll appreciate the day more after such a long night in addiction

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