It’s hard being an addict, there are days when I tell myself I am fine and only do it because I choose to, and other days when the body takes over and I need to knock one out!

I had a hot girlfriend for 5 years, for the nights we were apart we engaged in phone sex and yes..masterbation. I’m now married, but still, have porn and masterbation dependency which is a real shame. I’m determined to beat this beast as it is killing my soul!

Having read the comments from this site, i’m fired up to do something about it, no more porn, turn to God and ….and……well….that’s where I start to think…for how long can I keep this battle of the wills up……..damn its hard and a pain in the ass!

Anyone in the UK having the same problem other than me!! As the comment above says, feed the good wolf..screw the addiction, beat it, kill it and bury it 6 feet under…..we need to beat this curse for our wellbeing and to get on with life. C’mon lads, let’s get it on.

For the second problem, my response is similar. Confession in a meeting is not like confession in a Catholic church or in a police interrogation or in front of someone we have betrayed. It is not some kind of punishment. It is just about keeping honest, with ourselves and others, which is crucial for my recovery. When others are honest about their failures it helps me be honest about mine, and when they are honest about their successes it gives me hope. And we don’t just confess about “slips” with addiction, but with problems with our families or other stressful things which are part of life, and which interact with out addiction. And if you think having women at the meeting is undesirable, imagine how those women feel having to confess to porn/sex addictions to a group of men. They only do it because they want a safe place to get better. In time you come to see we are all just people with a similar problem and solution. Boundaries around sex between group members helps keep us safe.

On the third issue of people being too explicit in their shares, I can definitely see how that’s a problem, though I have been fortunate that I have not encountered it yet in the groups I attend. In that opening announcement they say that if someone is being too explicit and triggering you you can raise your hand to tell them.

The last complaint, about an “exit strategy”, is kind of odd to me. If you think you are completely cured of your porn addiction, or decide you don’t want to go to meetings for whatever reason you can leave at any time, no money down, no questionnaires to fill out. People keep coming because it keeps helping, in new ways. A guy with a couple years relapsed you say? Unfortunately, relapse is rather common with this form of addiction, relative to many others. But I doubt it was the fault of the meetings: before meetings I would “relapse” every day or week at most, 2 years of freedom would seem unthinkable. You don’t have to attend meetings 24/7, but keeping in touch with the program and group can help and save you a lot of trouble. Far more common than the occasional relapse is folks who used to come to meetings until they thought they were cured, and are now returning because their addiction spiraled out of control again and they have hit a new bottom, lost jobs, marriages, relationship with kids, etc.

But the fact is the groups are not just about “being in the problem”. Confessing and commiserating at meetings is all well and good but only goes so far by itself. The real benefit of 12 step groups only came when I actually started doing those steps, under the guidance of a sponsor who has done them. Only the first step actually deals directly with my addiction, the remaining 11 have to do with living life. And we don’t just do them once: they become part of a new, better life. And part of the last step is giving back, helping others who are in pain as you once were. If people with clean time stopped coming the meetings would just be a bunch of folks who could not stop acting out confessing to each other. Where’s the hope in that?

I found this on twitter, from a youth pastor who is also a really great Christian musician. It makes me realize that cutting down addiction, specially on my stage, is so hard that it’s almost impossible. I’m starting to think about feeding the good wolf, instead of focusing ONLY by killing the bad wolf. I’m starting to fast today. Slowly trying to feed the good wolf with fast, pray, going to church, and hoping God will see my effort and appreciate it, and eventually free me from the addiction.

@mikej: This is my first time too to actually find advice on the internet about this issue. Good luck to you.

Have an amazing day!