Comments on: How to Overcome Internet Pornography Addiction

By: HOLLY

HOLLY — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 18:29:45 +0000

I felt compelled to write since there are no female bloggers -

I felt I was asexual for many years – I was just too wrapped up in kids, career, a struggling marriage & the everyday pressures of life. I had everything a women could want except a healthy sex life. From a womens perspective, all the stars have to align for us to want to have sex cause it means we are truly connnected to our partner. To a man , sex makes the stars align and the world & the relationship ok.

Then at age 45 & after 20 yrs of marriage I kissed another man and felt alive again !!! The strong feelings of lust & passion were overwhelming. I felt guilty to go further with it so I started watching porn & masterbating as a subsitute. Watching others have sex made me want to engage in an affair. I did have multiple affairs for many years – but just like masterbation & porn, that left me feeling “empty” as well. By working with a skilled addiction counsellor & spending a lot of time on self help, I learned that NO SEXUAL SUBSTITUTE CURES THE EMPTINESS INSIDE.

I still struggle every day with my addiction to porn, masterbation & affairs. Some days are better than others but it has left me depressed, overweight (food is my sexual substitute) and suseptable to much illness & physical aches n pains. I am a successful women but this problem is VERY DIFFICULT TO OVERCOME ALONE. I would highly recommend this website & it’s suggestions, internet research, & joining a support group.

I WISH YOU ALL WELL WITH YOUR STRUGGLES & CONGRADULATE YOU ON YOUR STEPS IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. GOD BLESS

By: k money

k money — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 05:12:11 +0000

Im 38 a married christian man and I have struggled with porn all my life,for me I am most vulerable alone in my room or at work surfing the internet.Its a lifelong struggle that makes u feel empty at the end of the sin.It is such an encouragement to know that we are not alone in our struggles to overcome porn.The weakness comes out of loneliness,hurt,pain and the escape from the hardships of daily life.I have quit before but when I bought a galaxy tablet I found myself watching it alot lately.I will pray for Gods forgiveness and do my best to walk away and pray for you all as well.The more we spend time with the Lord we realize that we must do our best to overcome this sin.

By: Alan

Alan — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 05:26:05 +0000

Right now I just read pretty much all of the posts, and I am crying.

I guess this is the part where I share my life story. Right now I am almost 18.

My whole life my parents and most of my family have been very religious. I am also constantly surrounded by good friends and church leaders. Despite my background I have been telling myself that I don’t believe in religion and I was becoming more open to things. Honestly I think that I started doing porn out of curiosity and rebellion, because I didn’t want anything to do with my parents religion and people at school talk about it. I’ve only been on it for a couple months, but it feels like its been forever. No one knows that I have been doing this except for myself. My parents have still been making me go to church and I didn’t like it at all. Well a couple days ago I don’t know what has gone over me, but I realized the path that I am headed down to. I thought of how it could affect my life and I don’t want to become like that. Also ever since I started porn, I have been depressed.

I have been raised a christian and have never really done anything wrong, but I never really believed until I experienced the bad side of life. When I finally became addicted to something I realize how much I need Jesus in my life. The past week I have been becoming super religious. But I was just about to look at porn once again and well, I decided to search how to fix my addiction instead for some crazy reason. Right now I feel much better that I know I would have felt if I had made the wrong decision. I don’t know why I am still rambling on, because my problems are not as crazy as some other people’s problems. By reading everyone else’s posts I am grateful that I am stopping this now as opposed to later.

Thank you everyone. You all are a great example to other people such as myself.
I’ll have you all in my prayers.

-Alan

By: courage

courage — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 12:50:53 +0000

I first got exposed to porn because of my father. I was about 10 years old when I first found out a stack of dirty magazines hidden among some of the old books, those obviously belonged to my father. (Because later I saw he was turning the house upside down to find those.) My mother had been passed away by that time and may be because of the loneliness of separation from his wife, my father might had addicted to those xxx magazines. However, its not an excuse when he kept them in a close reach of 10 year old kid. I have not even known what sex is then. I was a very good student and always the first in my class. Teachers just adored me because I was very good at studies as well as extra curricular activities. I used to read a lot (good literature) So, when I found those xxx magazines, I read them all. I understood some of them and because of some reason that I can’t remember now (now I’m 30), wanted to read them again and again. After about two years of discovering xxx magazines, my father also passed away. So, I was a child without parents. Then, I started thinking about those magazines I found sometimes back. I could recall most of the stories (may be I had a good memory since I was very good at studies) I started thinking about them like fantasy. I was a teenage then, and when I was thinking about them, I felt that my body became sexually high. So, without even knowing the meaning of masturbation, I started touching my private parts and eventually came to my first orgasm. That feeling was wonderful at the beginning. So I started doing it again and again. During my teens, I used to masturbate almost every night and sometimes even during day times when I’m at home, at school in the bathroom, in empty extra curricular classrooms, every night before sleep, etc. It helped me to fall into sleep easily. (As I thought those days.) Since I was a student and porn was not available, didn’t have internet and computer, and didn’t have money or guts to buy magazines, I really addicted to sex fantasies. I started with thinking about the stories I first read in magazines and then started creating my own fantasies as a foreplay before masturbation. So, most of my creative energies and power of imagination was wasted on unhealthy sex fantasies. As a student, this really affect my studies, Because my mind’s ability to focus on studies, imagine educational success and be creative in education was destroyed by continuous focus and practice of sexual imaginations. Things became worst when I met my first boyfriend, who was a sex addict. He forcefully raped me. I loved him so didn’t give up on him. After that he wanted me to have sex with him, like everyday. I was going to school and having sex and doing all the things he wanted me to do. He was an abusive man who actually hit me every time even I speak to one of my friend’s dads. I had that affair with him for two years. He didn’t want to sexually satisfy me. So, I got more and more addicted to masturbation. During the day, I just satisfied his sexual needs and before sleep, I masturbated. So that way I became a really bad teen without anyone to guide me. I actually became bad at my studies too. Somehow, luckily I was able to get away from that abusive relationship after 2 years thanks to my uncles who were totally against the relationship.

However, I failed to get away from masturbation. By this time, I’ve developed a strong practice of sexual fantasies, sometimes I couldn’t think of anything else. I knew that it was so disturbing but wasn’t able to stop it. Because of that bad habit, I didn’t perform well in my education the way everyone expected. (It was a huge disappointment for me.) Somehow I managed to enter the University. (Not to the degree I wanted to do but to a lower one, as the degree I wanted needed better performance at college.) During this time, I found my second boyfriend. He was a nice man, but very much addicted to porn videos. Again I found he’d hidden the videos in our closet and I started seeing them when he was not home. That was like a masturbation booster. Sometimes I saw bad videos for the whole day when he’s not home. and masturbated several times a day. That ruined my day and at the end of my day, I’m physically and emotionally drained. (Sometimes I didn’t drink water for the whole day, just ate something while sitting in front of the TV) My boyfriend was not strong in sex. He got premature ejaculation and couldn’t last for at least a minute. So I became so much addicted to masturbation. Even when he’s sleeping in the bed, I used to imagine a sexy story and masturbate quietly. So that way, all my good power of imagination was taken over by a really bad habit. I was losing so much of time, mental energy, physical energy. I didn’t even want to meet my friends, exercise or do anything healthy. So, porn and masturbation controlled my whole being and I felt really terrible.
I wanted to break that bad habit somehow before it ruins me entirely. (I realized that my whole being was took over by imagining sex all the time/wired sex it was) and all the event that seemed to occur was also stimulating and making it a recursive cycle. (Thoughts become things – I got raped once again by another man while been still attached to my boyfriend, so many guys approached and proposed me to have relationships etc.) Finally I realized that from the very good, innocent, intelligent student, I had become a sex maniac.

Probably God decided to give me a chance when I met this other nice guy. soon I found that he is full of character, determination and willpower. (not good for a bad woman like me.) However, apart from my sex addiction, I was still a helpful, sensitive, hard working woman. So I broke up with the porn addict boyfriend and then got married to the nice guy. He was really nice but I couldn’t tell him my addiction to masturbation. I think for the first time in my life, I had sex with love and that was with my husband. But every time I found it was difficult to prepare my body for him because of my mind was totally taken over by masturbation. I could prepare for sex only by imagining fantasies or seeing bad movies, but not by the foreplay. To come over the bad feelings, again I got addicted to porn, but this time on the internet. Sometimes, I got leave from work and just saw porn on the computer all day long, and felt terrible at the end of each and every time I did it.

This was just too much. I was sure by this time that I’m too much addicted to masturbation and porn both. It was a recursive cycle. But non of my family and friend knew this. Apart from difficulty to initiate sex with my husband, I was a very good, committed wife and a good friend. Time to time, I remembered all my friends who were not so smart at school but got better degrees than me and got married earlier than me and got better jobs too because of better utilization of their time in childhood and teens. So, I started thinking about everything I lost because of this bad habit. I wanted to change, but it was so difficult. For the last 3 years since I was married, I am trying very hard to come over this bad habit. Sometimes, I go without porn or masturbation for about a month and then it again takes over my mind.

Today, honestly after about 4 hours seeing porn online, I felt terrible again and started looking at how to avoid this problem for the first time. So I found this website and some articles that are very useful.

I’m a new person from today, from this very moment. I’m trying to be honest to my career, studies, family, body and health by overcoming this terrible thing that has wrapped me for a long time like 20 years. Its like a serpent who wraps your whole being and sucks your life. I’m going to kill the beast and to win for the sake of my dear husband and for the sake of our future.

My messages to everyone who is looking at this site are:
(1) If you are a parent, never ever expose your child to porn, x-rated magazines, dirty books, or even you having sex with your spouse. Young children’s minds are so pure and absorbs everything so easily and they want to try out everything. I can still recall even the dialogues I found in my dad’s xxx magazines. They get recorded in young minds forever, so later whenever they get a chance to find out more of those and experiments, they do it and then get addicted to feeling. The rest of the story is ruining of education, health etc. Even they achieve some status in life (like I did) they would never achieve their fullest potential. So, even without knowing, my dad did that harm to me. So, parents, please don’t do that to your child.
(2) Some of the so called psychologists will tell you masturbation is a healthy thing. From my experience, its not true. Its as same as you are getting addicted to any other bad habits, like alcohol or drugs. Sooner or later, it would let you down. So, don’t let your emotional strength and spirit to be taken away by those bad habits.

I feel so happy and relieved after writing this. My true struggle and true life starts today. Thanks God and thanks this website too.

By: Shane

Shane — Thu, 01 Mar 2012 04:23:51 +0000

I felt myself in your post. I have no idea how many late nights I have sat up feeling sick of myself for what I was doing. This is the most horrible feeling. I have waisted so many hours in chat rooms and on porn sites. I’ll sit down at the computer, and the next thing I know 5, 6, or even 7 hours has gone by. How much life am I missing? I despise myself when the deed is done and always swear that was the last time. But it never is. Maybe with the help of each other and this site we can really get rid of it for good!

By: Ogra

Ogra — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 21:53:36 +0000

I am finding that my addiction to porn is gradually spiraling out of control. I can spend literally hours looking through the crap without masturbation. Very little of it arouses me and some disgusts me. I find that there are only certain clips that I like, often because I find the models within them attractive. It’s little more than a substitute for the real affection I want to show and the real pleasure I would like to give in a proper full, in my case heterosexual relationship. I also have deep feelings of failure and inadequacy. I have no job and have suffered from OCD for years. I also feel that I am too old to start thinking about relationships, something which in view of my poor mental health might not be a good idea to begin with. I am not a great looking guy, something which I am constantly reminded of when I go out even by total strangers who comment on how morphologicaly challenged I am. The distaste and animosity I attract I wouldn’t wish on some of our worst criminals. My appearance has led to outright rejection by peer groups over the years and even criticism from my own family. I use porn as a means of accessing something I can never have, when viewing the porn, I often imagine myself in the place of the participants as either male or female. My past sexual experiences have been almost exclusively homosexual, but I find that as I am getting older my interests are becoming increasingly heterosexual, very strongly so. When I seek help, all I get is the usual rubbish about denial of my gayness rather than accepting that I no longer have the homosexual preferences that I expressed in the past. I find the ideas of rape and incest totaly disgusting and have never sought to download images of this nature, even if they are mostly simulated. Sometimes porn represents things I certainly wouldn’t want and have no desire to download. I’m pretty disgusting anyway and would like to change, but the last thing I need is religion. I am having considerable difficulty marrying my life experience with a warm and compasionate personal god. I am looking for a scientific and materialistic approach to my problem. I appreciate now that I am far from unique as far as this problem is concerned.

By: Wife & Mother

Wife & Mother — Thu, 24 Feb 2011 19:53:02 +0000

Upon dicovering my husband of 17 years addiction to porn, I have suffered great emotional distress and upheavel as well as feelings of hatred toward him. I simply do not understand how a man can pass up all that makes sense in his life, simply to oogle over some degrading images. It has affected our sex life and I am beginning to wonder what it would feel like to have a man “make love” to me. Will probably send me to the arms of another. I am already begiining to fantasize about other men.

By: Never Back Down

Never Back Down — Mon, 25 Oct 2010 10:00:52 +0000

Let us fight this addiction, persevere, emerge victorious

champions, and live the remainder of our lives knowing that

we have overcome the greatest test/challenge/temptation

of the 21st century. Thanks for all the testimonials, I will pray

for everyone to be set free from this malignant cyst

By: Dave S

Dave S — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 15:44:37 +0000

I am now 28 and have been looking at porn since the age of 12. At it’s worst I was looking at porn every day for several hours and I felt terrible. More recently I have reduced my pornography use, and only look at it once every two months or so for a couple of hours. I feel that looking at my emotions, self hatred anger and past traumas has helped me achieve this, however I am still not 100% free and when the craving arises it is NEARLY impossible to resist. But every time you do resist you become stronger and the habit becomes weaker. When I lapse (like today) I find it hard and I really beat myself up about it as well as feeling massively guilty. But most men don’t even see porn as a problem, so pretty much everyone who is reading this is at least one step ahead. I think porn has to be one of the hardest addictions to quit with the internet the way it is. You don’t even have to go to the shop or the drug dealer, it’s streamed into house in unlimited supply and you don’t even have to pay for it. How many crack or herion addicts would succeed in quiting in those kind of circumstances? I think to succeed in quiting you need to tackle the issue from all angles, try and increase your will power by waiting for the urge to pass. When craving arises just tell yourself, I’ll wait an hour, or two hours and gradually increase this until you can wait for days weeks months, maybe even years. But it is true that you need to explore the emptiness and voidness that you are filling with porn if you really want to succeed. I dream of a day when I no longer crave porn but until then I set my sights at this target and try to keep moving in the right direction.

By: jakes

jakes — Sat, 26 Jun 2010 01:23:06 +0000

hi am so encouraged by your many posts this addiction has rily taken a toll on my self esteem nd confidence i feel so ashamed bout it i just pray that God will help me overcome this addiction so that i can look at the girl that i love with the respect her beauty deserves but all is not lost let us take refuge in 1 corinthians which says that God will always offer a way out of temptation we just have to look for it and He will never allow sumtin that we cannot overcome to tempt us