08.10.07
How to Overcome Internet Pornography Addiction
Here are the necessary steps to overcome an addiction to pornography. Though the title is labeled “Internet Pornography” these steps would of course work for any kind of pornography. Though not meant to be a comprehensive plan I believe this plan covers the essentials while allowing you to adjust it to your personal situation and level of addiction. Keep in mind this is more of a self-help plan and does not address outside support. With that in mind if you feel you need additional help then coaching or therapy may be necessary to give you the boost you need.
1. Have a Strong Desire
“Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything.” – Napoleon Hill. Without a strong desire, the process of change will be half-hearted and produce little results. Even if you can no more than desire to have a strong desire, you are headed in the right direction.
2. Make a Commitment.
After you have a strong desire you need to commit to the process. Change is a process, and the first step to creating change is committing yourself to the process. If you yourself are not committed then there is no course, program, or instruction that will create changes for you. Make a commitment to your success today!
3. Belief and Identity - You can longer identify yourself as your weakness or mistakes. Think of a strong role model and model your own identity after that person. If you find yourself talking or thinking negatively about yourself then stop and say or think the opposite. You must retrain your brain otherwise your low self-esteem will lead you right back to addiction. Forgive yourself and move on. Your future is spotless; so tie yourself to your potential instead of your past. Visualize the new you. You are not defined by porn addiction .
4. Identify the Cause not the Symptoms – The symptom is viewing pornography. The cause is whatever thoughts or feelings are leading you to see pornography as an escape and a solution for the uncomfortable or painful feelings you have.
a. The Void – Something inside is missing. Maybe you were hurt as a child or you are still recovering from a broken relationship. Perhaps you feel lonely or bored. Whatever it is, you are not feeling at peace or content and pornography has made it worse. If you find it too difficult to figure out what the root cause is then therapy may be necessary.
b. Thoughts and Feelings – Slow down and become more aware of the thoughts and feelings you have when you are tempted. Try to recognize the feelings you are trying to escape through pornography. Once you recognize these feelings you can begin to change them by changing the thoughts associated with these feelings
5. Set small manageable goals – Do not set a goal by saying “I want to be free from pornography in one week.” First of all this is probably unrealistic depending on the severity of you addiction. Second of all this is more of a target or result instead of a goal. You need to set small goals that will accumulate until the desired result is achieved. Accomplishing small goals will give you the initial confidence and momentum you need to keep this process going. You may even have to break your goals down into hours. The destination of success will be reached one step at a time or one small goal at a time.
6. Identify the times of biggest temptation
a. People – You may have to choose new friends if they are not going to live by your new standards
b. Places – Where the temptation is strongest such as the magazine rack in the grocery store or places with unrestricted access to the internet
7. Adjust your environment - If your pornography addiction is severe enough you may have to make some tough sacrifices. If you cannot stop looking at porn at work and there is no way to fix that then you may have to find another job or train into a new occupation. If the internet at home is a problem then get some monitoring software or get rid of the internet if it is still too difficult to resist.
8. Control your thoughts – Read the article “What Controls Your Attention Controls You”
9. Replace your old life with a new life – If you have spent your hours, days, and weeks viewing pornography then it is time to put new things in its place. Get out of the house, find a new life hobby or an old neglected one, exercise in your free time. Create some kind of blog on what you’re passionate about so you have something productive to do at work on the computer. You must replace the old with new or there will be a void that will cause you to fall back into addiction.
10. Renew your inner strength and motivation every day – If you are religious then read the scriptures or religious books of hope. If you are not religious then read motivating books like “Chicken Soup for the Soul”. Whatever you choose make sure it is not giving you some misleading, quick fix, self help advice that will take you off the road of steady progression. You need to renew your inner strength on a daily basis to maintain a positive attitude and motivation to keep going.
11. Persevere – Do not expect perfection and do not get mad because you are vulnerable to tempting situations. Every time you slip-up, get up. You are never failing so long as you are persevering. If you give up after making a mistake then you are no longer progressing. Keep track of your progress in a journal and on a calendar somehow so you can see your progress. Success is inevitable so long as you persevere. You may have to restart hundreds of times but every time you restart you are that much closer to complete freedom.
12. Reward yourself – Take joy in reaching your goals and resisting temptation. At the end of each day write down your success for the day and give yourself a pat on the back. Learn to take joy in you new life you have decided on. As you do this you will have gradually less desire to return to your old life. Find joy in every day by deciding to have the right attitude and using your passions and talents to contribute to others and the world.
More motivating quotes by Napoleon Hill-
• “Perseverance: The majority of men meet with failure because of their lack of persistence in creating new plans to take the place of those that fail.”
• “What you think, so you will become.”
• “Every adversity carries with it the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit.”
• “Thoughts mixed with definiteness of purpose, persistence, and a burning desire are powerful things.”
Popular Post –>Top Ten Books that have Helped me Overcome Addiction
Hank Griffin said,
11.27.07 at 12:39 pm
What I have read of this article–”Pornography and masturbation Addiction” [P & M problem] makes sense to me. What is the connection? I am Roman Catholic. Who put all of these good ideas together–or does everyone have to stay anonymous except guys like me that write a message? Can I presume the names of authors would be actual or replacement names– Nom de plume? No answer on this last question would mean everyone is not out in the open. Of course, I am already a scandal.
I have tried to start a group based on the 12 step method and am willing to try again, and again, and again. I also want to do some writing on the problem. I have had a pornography / masturbation problem sense adolescence hit circa 1952. I am 68 years old.
I view as many things–physical relief, erection aide, pleasure giver, sleep aide, temptation, a doorway to hell, path to seeking females other than my wife [she has cut me off on affection years ago, 1987–some obvious affairs by her have happened with other men, one is going on right now]. She has always refused marriage counseling. I would prefer a Catholic advisor, preferably a Roman Catholic priest if your organization is related to the Church–at the very least a lay person that is a longtime and fully practicing the Roman Catholic faith.
I think it was Freud who said “Life is a problem for everbody.” Confucius would have answered Freud with “A long journey begins with the first step!” I have taken that “first step” many time in my life and intend to keep trying.
Lately I have been clean for a year at a time, then I enthusiastically go on a binge for about a week–which sometimes leads me very close to seeking [but so far not actually doing it] the comfort of another woman.
Stay with God,
Hank
Hank
ismail rawat said,
12.17.07 at 11:52 am
i will try and use this info to gewt rid of my addiction
for porn is ruinig my life
i am 16 yrs old
i am trying
if u have more info plz post it to ismail007@gmail.com
Chris said,
12.22.07 at 7:27 pm
I think that with so many self-help ideas out there, trying to help people be sexually healthy and happy, we so often fail to state that nearly every sexual broken place stems from an emotional broken place. I really believe, and have taken the steps myself to prove this, that if we become honest with ourselves, and identify the areas where we have need in our own lives, emotionally, we will find that filling these areas will make us successful in re-programming our habits and thought patterns when we are tempted to delve into pornography or masturbation.
This way, I have a reson to be whole.
Chris
jlob said,
01.02.08 at 7:03 am
this information was a great help. thank you
sharon said,
01.06.08 at 5:49 pm
i have always been wondering whether watching porn is good or bad to ur health?? i have realized tht it does effect ur overall nervous and physical system. i used to control myself from watching porns and had a very comfortable life as i did my studies easily and got distinction. but since last year it has been otherway round as i started watching porns and got all sorts ov problems. th article describe best way to restrict urself from watching porns. i did these things before and i am thankful for reminding me to stop it now.
john doe said,
01.07.08 at 8:42 am
I would like to thank you for this website. A pornography and masturbation addiction has been ruining my life, and you have started me on the road to recovery. I am an excellent student (15 years old), I am very religious, and I love my family, but since I started I have been miserable, depressed, and isolated from everything that I love. I sincerely hope that I may soon recover from this horrible habit.
JD said,
01.18.08 at 7:02 am
To be truthful, I look at porno just because I was extremely horny and depress. I have a girlfriend and it seems she wants to have phone sex with me constantly. so i look at these honeys to get a glimpse of what to do. These steps will help me to get rid of my temptation.
PO said,
01.21.08 at 8:44 pm
i am 21 & i have been struggling with these addictions too.I have had 2 big-time goofups with a couple of girls i really loved,and yeah-that’s where the ‘void’ part comes in.I tried hard for 3 years to crack IIT-JEE(toughest engineering entrance exam in the world) but failed & since then i have been suffering,i am having various digestive problems & constipation too.I think i am at an advance stage of depression.My parents are unaware of my problems,i come from a family of limited means-i can’t afford to visit doctors.There’s a lot of pressure on me as i have to clear the placement tests as well as finish my engineering projects,semester exams-so that i can get a gr8 job and support my family.I am already under my education loan -but i want to pursue MBA from a world class institute too.i feel suicidal and seek escape in these addictions.
Lisa said,
02.06.08 at 2:49 am
Has anyone go any advice for someone who’s PARTNER has the addiction? I love him very much but he has lost all sexual interest in me and uses porn instead. i have tried talking about it and he gets defensive and says he doesnt see a problem, and it’s a natural thing for men to do…. Any ideas? I’m not willing to just give up, but I can’t continue in a relationship like this. It makes me feel so terrible about myself.
D-Tour said,
02.15.08 at 12:23 am
Dear Lisa,
I suggest you go check out the discussion forums at http://www.throughtheflame.org, especially
http://www.throughtheflame.org/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=5
There are a lot of stories there that I’m sure you can relate to and a lot of good ideas on how to proceed. Good luck to you, I hope everything goes well!
ram said,
02.21.08 at 11:24 am
ALL PARENTS, PLEASE SEE THIS.
(Many thanks to all those who gave the solutions .) I have been wasting a lot of my valuable time,my career,life for such bad things.DO YOU KNOW? It is not out of my own interest.One day unexpectedly i opened my net history,to see many erotic sites names.I just opened one of them,OUT OF NATURAL INTEREST a student does have(without any prior knowledge of what iam going to see).For a moment my heart sunk deep,i felt insecure in this world,tears ran down my eyes,on finding out(unexpectedly) what MY FATHER(my hero,my friend) is doing all these afternoons in the computer,with the door locked inside this blady room.I got into depression.I felt insecure to move alongside him or to think of my father(iam a girl of 19).Iam unable to decide or think,’what to do now?How could i stop this? I couldnot say all this to my mother,for,her sensitive heart may breakdown.I couldnot bear this within myself.Within a few days,i found that my father got addicted to it .He is going for these sites ragularly,he is going for adult friend finder daily.And in the course,on seeing all these (in a state of depression ),daily, while clearing the history and lateron when i got bored,i too got addicted to it.Now i lost my career ,iam unable to concentrate on anything,even on my most interesting subjects.My mind is roaming all around the world.By god’s grace,i have not fallen into any false friendships or relations(because of this depression) Tomorrow i have my internal assessment.But iam unable to keep my mind in pace.I know this is going to take away my career. ( Iam a top student till my +2, Can anyone ever believe this?) But i cant help myself out. WHAT IS MY FAULT? WHO SHOULD BECOME GUILTY FOR IT? WHY SHOULD I LOSE MY LIFE FOR IT? WHO SOWED THESE POISON SEEDS INTO MY VULNERABLE HEART ?WHO DISTURBED MY VALUABLE LIFE? YOU ,YOU SUCH PEOPLE ARE DOING THIS FOR MANY OF US.DO YOU KNOW THIS? YOU BEING PARENTS SHOULD BE ROLEMODELS FOR US,GUIDES FOR US. BUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING? WE ARE PAYING OUR LIVES FOR YOUR EMOTIONS. AND PLEASE, PLEASE TRY TO UNDERSTAND THIS (IF ANYTHING LIKE A “HEART”,” THAT OF A PARENT” ,IS STILL ALIVE IN YOU). WE ARE STILL YOUR CHILDREN ,WITH SENSITIVE HEARTS,FEELING ALONE, WAITING FOR A HELP OF TRUE LOVE.)
Del Spooner said,
02.25.08 at 10:19 am
This has really helped me a lot.
i am 17 years old and am masturbating and watching porn since i was 15.
it has given me a heck of a problem to me. I masturbate at least 3 times a day and felt very tiring and i felt very weak all day and night. Whenever my parents plan to go out i opt staying in the house alone so i can watch porn. After reading this i feel I have wasted my days so much and i have taken a decision and am going to fight against my addiction till i get rid of it. thanks for providing so much help and assistance. Thank you so much.
hope to get rid of this soon.
Jeff said,
03.08.08 at 2:26 am
I’m 37 and I’ve been addicted to porn since I was 14 or so. It got me in trouble at home and at school. It was the cause of me losing a job. And most important, it’s aided in ruining a few relations ships, including my current one- THE most important one to me ever. She is the love of my life, my fantasy girl- has been for a very long time. I need to fix this before I lose her forever. I just don’t have the strength yet, but I’m trying. If I lose her, then I will truely be lost as well.
Sean A. said,
03.12.08 at 4:05 pm
Porn addiction can ruin your life. It is cunning and baffling. Believe me I know. I am a grateful recovering pornography addict and I lost my marriage because I was out of control. Pornography addiction is a progressive disease and it leads to other behavior that will lead to guilt and shame.
I have created a site to help others with their struggle.
http://lifeafterpornaddiction.com
oh balls said,
03.16.08 at 6:15 am
thanks a lot for this im 16 and am addicted [0-3x for 7 days a week] since 14 yrs old will try these out. always trying to resist. why these hormones?? sigh
andrew said,
03.23.08 at 6:33 am
i am 15 years old and ive been adicted since i was 9. i know pretty young. im also addicted to masterbating. im am at the point were im starting to doubt my sexuality. is this normal? im so confussed and lost. im ready for change, and now i have the steps to.
Confused said,
03.24.08 at 11:04 pm
Hi, thank you for this site. I am a 39 year old man who has has everything anyone could want. My wife is everything in the world to me. A really inspiring and magical partner. I am not rich but live comfortably with a good job.
I sit here now at almost 1am my time. Again I have been at my computer, looking at pornography and masturbating. At this time, I really don’t like myself. I haven’t made love to my wife in a long time. This isn’t who I want to be. She/we deserve so much better.
I hope that in writing this I can take the first steps to curing these addictions. I’ve seen writings that state that masturbation addiction is not really scientifically acknowledged - I don’t need a qualified scientific testing - It exists, and it is stealing from my life.
I am happy to receive any and all email in support, advice or as mutual sufferers trying to make things better.
I will start today to do what this site suggests.
Again my thanks to the creators of this site, there is an ugly world out there that preys upon these addictions and its good to know there are people like you around.
Kay
john smith (yes its my real name) said,
03.29.08 at 4:40 am
i belive this will help me there are some girls in my life that i care about too much to let them be hurt (inderecty of course i am not that addicted to u know) by my addiction
john smith said,
03.29.08 at 4:55 am
and the girl i liked got pushed away by a series of unfortunate coinsides none envolving my addiction man i miss her i guess this is part of sowing and reaping pray for me as i will for u
Lee said,
04.01.08 at 1:40 pm
For ram: “ALL PARENTS, PLEASE SEE THIS.
(Many thanks to all those who gave the solutions .) I have….”
I think the problem lies with you, a habit develops from actions & thoughts. no one can teach you to be addicted to anything except yourself. Even if your father is watching porn, i dont see why u need to be affected. he could be doing it for some reasons, you need to ask him. His rolemodel impression on you might be gone, after you found out his imperfections, but youll know that ppl make mistakes.
Really the problem lies with you, i got a similar situation like you but it never bothered me, cause i know he cares for the family and my mum alot. He might not be the dreamrolemodel, but he keeps his responsibilities( attending graduation, etc).
The world is always imperfect, you cant do much to it, the best you can do is help yourself.. Avoid, repent and take necessary actions. May God bless u and family
Jeff Bootlicker said,
04.07.08 at 5:30 am
I recently hooked the internet up in my house. I am 24 years old and have been looking at pornography since I was about twelve. That’s half my life!
I always knew that porno wasn’t good to look at, but always saw it as a necessary evil. Now, and you state this several times throughout your blog, it is beginning to escalate very rapidly into areas I never dreamed I would search out. I am beginning to ‘bond’ to a very perverted sphere of influence, and I feel ashamed.
So tonight, I turned my moderate safe search with google on. I
Thank you for your support.
Preacher man said,
04.09.08 at 10:05 am
Porn is as we all very well know is a spirit of lust that we allow to take control of our bodies. The only thing that can set a person free is Jesus we have got to come to understand what Gods word says about submission…This sounds simple and I know its very hard I am a ex porn addict. These steps are very good but I only advise you to seek God and fast for deliverance. Get your mind made up who you are gonna serve. You and the devil or God. Key scriptures ,,always fight the devil with the word just like Jesus did in the wilderness of temptation. Quote the word! LIVE IT!!! Key scriptures KJV ONLY James 4:7 Phill 4:13 Romans 12:1,2 PLease email me for any more advice I am a licensed evangelist. God help us all is my prayer. EMAIL ANYTIME
Andrew P said,
04.14.08 at 2:48 pm
To the owner of this site, thanks for having the courage and care to provide help to others…may God bless you richly.
I have been addicted for about 15 years now, and I am on the way to recovery. I was happy to find this site and the steps, which work very well. I have been utilizing steps similar to these that I came up with, and all glory be to God for helping me through.
For those who feel hopeless, rejoice and be glad! For the mere fact that you are researching the problem shows there is a desire to quit and that is half the battle. It takes a while, but it is achievable. Measure your success in days or even hours if you have to and push for better from there.
To overcome this addiction, you have to embrace it. Accept it as part of who you are. I too used to masturbate about 3 times a day when I was in my late teens. Then when the desire to stop came, I started by reducing the masturbation to no more than once a day. It was strange at first, scheduling masturbation into my daily routine. This gave ME the control…soon I controlled it rather than it controlling me!
Cut the porn, but not cold turkey. Seek less graphic material to resensitize your body to the graphic stuff; then stay away from it! When you feel the overwhelming pressure to look, look at soft core instead of the hard stuff. If like myself you look at porn at night mostly, then find a way to knock yourself out…I used to drink a full glass of wine and by the time the pressure to look came, I was too tired or already asleep.
Burn your energy before it turns into the burning desire to look and masturbate. Engage in a sporting or physically demanding activity that requires you to participate…for example, a coach or a team is counting on you. Give it ALL you’ve got, so that by the end of the day you are too tired to masturbate.
Find a replacement for porn that is healthy. Find something else that interests you…it doesn’t matter what it is as long as it is healthy. It is OK to be addicted to stuff (for exmple living green)…just not stuff that is unhealthy. Whatever it is should involve others. Doing anything alone is very dangerous for a porn addict.
Know yourself, and hold yourself accountable. Give yourself slef-assesments, and take a hard look at what happened whenever you ‘fall’, then guard against it. For me, being alone meant I was going to find a way to self gratify thru porn; so I started avoiding being alone until it no longer was an issue.
Watch what you eat! There is a link between HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP (sweetner used in sodas, candies, and pretty much EVERYTHING) and masturbating. Same for high quantities fo sugar. I am not a scientist, but when I cut the high fructose corn syrup, the urge to masturbate drastically reduced.
Eat healthy and light. For me, a full stomach meant I had the energy to go ‘rub one off’, especially if I just consumed vast quantities of sweet foods or fast food. If I inadvertently ate too much, then I went for a walk. It burned the food and it tired me out.
Actively block out the images that are already in your head. Focusing on those images will guarantee self defeat. Stop fantasizing about sex…ignore the opposite sex if necessary. Fantasize about other things like if you won the lottery or something.
Porn is tricky, but you can control the addiction. Lee (above) said AVOID, REPENT and TAKE NECESSARY ACTIONS…that is very good advice.
GOD help us all
William said,
04.27.08 at 5:23 pm
I curse myself every day because I have been unable to form a good relationship since my teen years, adolences years and now in my adult life.
I am now 31 and wish I could have all these years back or start all over again but alas! life goes on!!
I will not blame porn or masturbation but I solely blame myself for getting into it and allowing it rack my life. It is only I who can correct it and hopefully live life to fullest in my remaining days, months, years on earth!!
Tonight is my starting point by God’s grace!! Please pray for me or email me if you have some advice or message! God bless!
Daniel said,
05.07.08 at 3:35 am
hello I’m a christian and i have an addiction of watching porn but let me tell you that only GOD can take you out of that addiction These are the steps to overcome this first
1) except JESUS as lord and savior
2) admit you can not overcome this yourself but only with the help of GOD!
3) confess your problem to a person you can trust so they can pray for you
4) DO WHAT EVER IS NECESSARY!!! I mean throw away all magazine of porn and movie’s and canceling your internet and STOP watching T.V. because it’s full girls coming out half naked.
5) pray every day and read the bible every day!
6) and have faith IN GOD
God bless you
d.antonio69@yahoo.com